Though I'm being specific, this can apply to almost any negative bias "-ism" you can think of.
First off, I want everybody to understand one thing. In fact, if you don't understand anything else, understand this. Racism isn't personal. It's not personal when it happens to you, it's not personal when you notice it happening to someone else, it's not personal when you hear a friend, acquaintance, or colleague complain.
It's not personal.
While it may affect you, it really doesn't have anything to do with you. Whether you are on the giving end or the receiving end, it's not personal. It's not personal, because it doesn't matter what one's actual qualities are. It doesn't matter how much talent or experience one has, it doesn't matter how much money can be spent, it doesn't matter that one is a law abiding Citizen, so how can it be personal? The things that really matter don't count, because they aren't taken into account.
Those of you that are victims of casual or blatant racism, remember this: people are programmed to behave this way, most of us have subconscious biases and really can't help it. Since that seems to be the case, I suggest you no longer get angry about it. You know it's going to happen anyway, at some point it should be expected. So instead of letting someone make you feel small, and getting angry, it's time to try a different tack.
Have fun with it.
Are you getting stopped and frisked? Don't get angry,try telling them it tickles. Make sure they got all the hiding places. Hand out a gift card telling the officers they are winners for being the fifth team to frisk you today.
Are you stopped for DWB? Ask them to search the car. Tell them you needed a good story today. Ask for a note explaining why you're late.
Is a store clerk following you around? Suggest better vantage points so they can be sure to spot shoplifters. Better yet, suggest strategies to impede your ability to shoplift. These clearly are helpful hints they can use. Try also asking for silly things when they hover.
Are you asked a culturally insensitive question? Answer it, with the most stereotypical answer you can think of, then say, "No, really."
When you are asked to be the spokesperson for your entire group, just take on that mantle, and answer as if you actually are one of the leaders of your group.
These are daily strategies you can use to keep it together, even though we all ought to be moving together, and you're right, you shouldn't have to put up with this stuff, but what the hell?
For the group that seems to get benefits from these -isms, remember it's not personal.
Unless you're actively oppressing someone, nobody's talking about you.
I some things for you to do too. If you hear a complaint, get clarification. If this person is a real friend of yours, act like it. Sympathize with their story, and don't tell them "to get over it." Even if you don't really get it. When you hear so many similar stories, chances are very good that these people are not making it up, even if you really don't believe it, they certainly do.
If you say or do something that accidentally offends someone, apologize then don't do it again. This is Etiquette 101. It doesn't matter whether or not you understand the offense. Do the right thing. You can defend yourself, but it only works after the apology.
Finally, we should get rid of all our hyphenated American names in the news media. The media should not refer to anyone by their ethnic origin unless the description is needed to find someone. It would go a long way to eliminate the programming we have.
Think of the headlines:
Neighborhood Watch member shoots and kills unarmed American Citizen.
Criminals rob a liquor store.
There are concerns about Criminal on Citizen Crime.
90% of American Citizens Stopped by NYC's Stop and Frisk Policy Were doing Nothing Wrong
American Citizens are being profiled
American Citizens are being denied employment without regard to their actual competence for the job.
American Citizens get longer sentences for the same offense as others.
Think about it.
